The AznGeek

Posted by azngeek at October 29th, 2008

I see people in these relationships. As a bystander, as one who is not trapped within such a situation, it’s easy to see how stupid things can be, and how I would never let myself be in such a situation.

I know the hurt. How it can feel so one sided. How sometimes you are never good enough. And you ask yourself “Why won’t he/she reciprocate? Am I just not good enough? What did I do wrong?” The abuse. So profound. It shakes the values of even the strongest willed person.

I’m not talking about sexual or physical abuse. I’m talking about my relationship with this quaint little café that I’ve now become quite the regular.

I remember in my younger years, my mom used to head off on Friday afternoons to share a cup of coffee with some of her friends, to catch up on gossip, to check up on how everyone else is doing, to check if everyone was okay. I never really did get her need for heading out on Friday afternoons for coffee. And then she’d briefly describer her fantastic afternoon over dinner on Friday night, and I’d be astounded how such a boring and dull place would be able to hold the interest of a human being for more than 10 minutes.

Of course it’d be to establishments like Starbucks or Coffee Beans, establishments which today I still frown upon. Mass produced, without a soul. But I understand now, that was the Malaysia equivalent of a café. They wouldn’t know better.

What are cafés? They serve coffee beverages, usually they don’t serve alcoholic beverages, if they do they have some, and usually they serve English breakfasts, and other little tidbits. They aren’t restaurants, they serve some food, but you go there primarily for the warmth and comfort of a hot cup of coffee, and the familiarity of faces, sounds and smells. Of course there is always the adventure of the lack of familiarity when you make your way to new cafés, but that is where part of the excitement lies, to see if it’s good or not so, and then finding your comfort zone.

A bit older, maybe a bit wiser, I’m in love with this quaint little cafe, la café crema (Español for The Cafe of Cream) The early mornings I make my way there for my usual bowl of mocha and sometimes some breakfast -bacon and eggs, or the whole shebang with everything on it. I sit there, familiar with the owners and the waitresses that have been there for a little over a year. On my days where I have a bit of free time, I like looking around. Some call it smelling the roses. I call it smelling the coffee beans. And I observe. I observe the people that come and go. Some people returning multiple times within the hour, talking bashfully about work or other extracurricular activities, some I rather not know, but still find interesting nonetheless. Couples holding hands. Not so conventional couples having public displays of affections. Students frantically working on some assignments or projects ( I for one am a guilty one in that respect).I soak it all in.

It’s very much romantic.

In cafés you can be whoever you want. You could be a private investigator trailing a cheating husband who is on rendezvous with his mistress. You could be a mad scientist who has just come up with the cure for cancer. You could be a movie star trying to get away from the paparazzi. Like being in a new city. Paris. Rome. London.

It’s always exciting.

But then you have people who ruin it all. Cafés in my set of café etiquette does not allow for business to be conducted. Businessman with their expensive suits, their cologne that they were too heavy with in the early morning, and their contracts and their briefcases. Bah. Not in my set of café etiquette. It’s a place for freedom. To escape it all. I think it’s alright for students to work on projects and assignments. Something not so formal. Not so rigid. I dislike business being conducted in my cafés. With the exception of artist of course. Creativity flows with coffee beans. Of course everyone would have their own café etiquette and beliefs. What’s yours?

But of course cafés are not all just rainbows and beds of roses. When her doors are full. I just scout out the tables, and then leave. She turns me a way sometimes, which does make me sad at times. But at other times, the experiences have been so wonderful. Sitting their for hours on end. Thinking through problems of my life. Or less meaningful but still important ideas that I just couldn’t get my head around but need for my next lecture or a test or a project. And she keeps me warm and lets me write frantically away at a question I just had a small epiphany over and would rather have it on paper lest I forget. And sometimes when there are too many people, I take my thinking elsewhere after a short sit. But I think it’s a right to sit their for hours to worry about the little or bigger things in life. A cup of coffee be your hall pass.

Maybe our relationship isn’t so abusive afterall?

Taken from http://hilton.org.uk/facade/paris-cafe-noir.jpg

Posted by azngeek at August 7th, 2008

They say love is about asking the hard questions, answering with honesty, and questioning those answers. A never ending search for knowledge.

You are the answers to my questions,
The questions to my answers.
For you. I seek
For me.

Azngeek

Posted by azngeek at May 15th, 2008

“Big Brother in the form of an increasingly powerful government and in an increasingly powerful private sector will pile the records high with reasons why privacy should give way to national security, to law and order […] and the like.” - Justice William O. Douglas

Let me be once more a bit more contemplative. Let me delve deeper into the juggling act of ideas in the circus I call my brain. Stop. Rewind. Yes. There. That one. That’s what I want to talk about. But be very quiet. He might hear us.

For as long as I can remember, the idea of sticking it to the man; It’s always sat well with me. Privacy. The sanctity of ones space, ones beliefs, ones culture. Privacy. The sanctuary of ones thoughts process. The lab where you cultivate courage to speak your mind, to be different and indifferent, to dream of dreaming. Big brother. He sows the seeds of the intense need for acceptance, he suffocates with standards of what is acceptable and what is not.

It pains me to no end, with the institutionalization of everything. From knowledge all the way to how one should act, behave, speak, look, and feel. We persecute and fear the Picassos, the Da Vincis, the Mozarts, of our time no longer with pitch-forks and torches. But we beat and bruise their mind to the ground with goals and the performance benchmarks. And we encroach them into categories with numbers, 160. 170. 170. Ah. Yes. Gifted. Non-gifted. And then we try to propel them forward to conformance. We leave them no room to grow and develop in a random erratic fashion. We do not let them evolve into what they can be.

The punk rockers, the emos, the homosexuals, the blacks, the whites, the asians. Big brother is in the form of our peers. Those that are alike. Even the different. Are not so very different.

And me? I’m institutionalized as hell and I so bloody conform. It makes me wonder. How different would I have been from the other different people, if I had grown up with a bit more privacy.

Posted by azngeek at April 30th, 2008

You don’t fucking try to make lemon juice.

Gee. Man. Why can’t people get that simple concept through their heads.

Life would be better for them. And for the people around them.

The said people? It’s me. You. Everyone. We just can’t seem to accept the fact that you know sometimes life throws you a curve ball, then what? You just try your very best. You adapt. Don’t linger on what should have been or could have been. And if you succeed. Move on. If you fail. Move on.

Take lessons from the failures. Take pride in the successes. But not too much pride.

PS. I’m not really angry right now.

PPS. Really. Just felt like putting out a word of advice, and possibly just a quick reminder. The school of hard knocks aren’t always black and white.

PPPS. I just felt like having a 3rd one.

Posted by psych at March 11th, 2008

Well its been a while. Time and practically everything involving it seems to be crawling at a snails pace. And there’s no possible way of increasing the pace no matter what I spend time doing or not doing. My horizons are filled with endless greenery which can take it’s toll after a million (give or take) gazes. Times are fine. I have fun when its time to have fun. I cram my head with fun and interesting (no hint of sarcasm) (seriosly) facts for exams. Campus life could be more than it is but I’m not complaining. Give me anything that superseeds my expectations and I will succumb to that overwhelming desire to cuddle with you. How does that work again? Bah. Feels extemely empty sometimes but feels overflowing every other time.

Random questions popping up. How the hell did I end up here? How the hell do any of us end up where we are? So many choices, so many decisions and I am where I am living how I’m living due to those choices. Is everything really as random as I deem it? I used to relish the freedom I supposedly had but I get the sinking feeling like we were all meant to do exactly this and nothing else, and even if you somehow get off your life-train and do something else, you’ll eventually catch the next one without a moments pause, all the time in awe at the randomness and almost infinte possibilites that can carry your life in so many different directions. New friends, old friends, new places.. etc etc with the old feeling so familiar and comforting.
I’ve actually become more religious since I’ve lived on my own. Something secure and comforting about religion and all the awesomeness that comes with it. Not that Ive become quote religious unquote but just more so. Im actually praying/talking to myself (and that other infinite being that I’m sure is out there) more than I ever have. Maybe its psychologically conditioning my mind to believe that what I know is absolutely what I think it is without ever doubting that our lives are spent being unique and so blissfully ignorant all the time without meaning to be. Maybe its the Brooke Fraser songs I have on repeat. Lmao. Guess its the latter. ]

Randomness is the ultimate test of your freedom. Is randomness truly free from external influences? Dunno, dont really care. Imo random should be and remain.. random.

My apologies for the emo rant. Hope it didnt take up too much of your time. And people at azngeek should really start posting stuff. for shame ><

pSyCh

Posted by psych at February 13th, 2008

A wise man once said (aforementioned wise man is my ex lecturer Mr Moaz of TaylorsUniversityCollege, if its still called that now) that humans spend their whole lives in boxes. He wasnt the first person to mention this but he gave the most dramatic (as usual) explanation for it so it kinda stuck.

For those who don’t know, we all live in rooms (except the homeless who literally, live IN Boxes of the cardboard variety), which are more or less boxes (they dont have to be perfectly symmetrical or even shaped like squares), those rooms are in bigger boxes (your house). You travel around in boxes (cars, buses, trains, planes) to go to boxes (malls, offices, buildings in general), when you’re older you work in boxes (cubicles or schools or offices etc etc) and don’t forget the everyday required box-visits (toilets). Eventually you’ll end up in a box (coffin or ash in a jar =p).
People who want to twist this logic for their own means usually add that people also watch too much tv (OMG its a box as well!) Well, I disagree with that because technically, we’re not IN the box. It just temporarily eats and spits out the mind(s) of viewer(s) =)
Anyway, you could possibly defy the last coffin one by getting yourself ash-ified and then spread in the wind but you’ll probably end up being blown into a Box of some kind. Sad reality, eh? Hearing that made me think that we needed to get out of boxes. Now I realize that theres no good substitute for boxes. Spheres? Whats the difference then? Someone would just mention that we were all trapped in spheres for our whole lives and we would just need to switch to another shape. The absolute lack of containers is definitely not an option. Obviously, right? Or have we gotten used to these things that we don’t see the happier and healthier container-less alternative. At least, I don’t see any better alternative.

Going off topic for a while, as I usually do and won’t stop doing since my thoughts often branch and I just pick the one that I think is easier to type out. Of all the subjects I endured countless hours learning, the one that made the biggest impact on my life is World Issues. If youre a student taking ICPU/CIMP and are deciding on an elective, TAKE IT. Its nowhere near an effortless course but its worthit. Chemistry,Bio,Physics,DataMangmt,Business (The first two which I actually needed) don’t hold a candle to it. Gonna go off topic again. People who want to pursue careers that mean alot to them don’t because of the awesomeness related to other careers. To motivate students in (Malaysian) schools, teachers often say things like “Nanti besar jadi doktor kaya” or “When you become an engineer later dont forget who thought you basic science ok?” Nobody says anything like, “When you bring attention to the starving orphans striken with HIV in Africa people will surely thank you for your efforts” or, “Bila besar kamu ada keupayaan untuk menghapuskan peperangan ataupun menolong negara negara yang kurang upaya.” Haha the last one was weird. My Malay kinda(really) sucks. I dont mean them literally. Just use your imagination and change them if they dont work for you.

Sucky thing is I don’t think theres any good possibility of building a solid career based on how much you care and not on how much money you make or how jealous you’ll make that-relative-you-dont-even-know-very-well or that-neighbour-who-doesnt-give-a-fuck-and-just-wants-to-push-
her-son-to-do-better-than-you-so-she-can-start-bragging. That is still an Malaysian middle aged auntie quality that I just cant stand. I especially get pissed off by the ones that brag like people actually care. =) Still, they don’t have much else to brag about so I guess they’ve earned it in some way.
In short, being a wartime journalist in Kenya/Palestine or a human rights activist in Myanmar will probably get you killed and therefore no girl will marry you and you’ll be poor before you die. So just choose something else. Most people have this mindset. So do I. Well, not about the marry and die part. Alot of girls IMO find dashing journalists a turn-on =/ right? For me, caring about people isnt enough of an incentive to possibly damn myself to lowpaying missions and lifethreathening situations throughout my life. After all I was raised in the above ^ system so I guess it did what it was supposed to do. Malaysia is bothered more with improving itself than helping others or getting some humanitarian recognition.
No point worrying about that now. I’m gonna go sleep for a while. On my box-like bed.

L8erz,

pSyCh

Posted by azngeek at January 19th, 2008

The three preceding words… to the emancipation of any elite male credentials you may have once held or feigned to have held.

(O. Yes. Before I continue on with my rant, I must warn you. Some of you may take offense from this article. If you do so choose to read it. Take it in with an open mind and a light heart.)

So as I was saying. Marriage. The thing that basically breaks you or makes you as a man. I would say marriage is analogous to a non-compete agreement between an employer/company with an employee. You basically sign off your rights, to walk away from the company and work for the competitor. You therefore sign away your rights to be appreciated. Why should an employer treat you with respect, and treat you well, heck he could fire you back then, and you’d be disallowed from working in the same industry for years to come. Sure they might have offered you a nice package, lets say you are laid off, and the term for your non-compete agreement is 5 years, and lets say they lay you off, and pay you 5 years full pay. A lump sum. Sounds like a sweet deal? Lets look at it from this perspective.

1. If it were a real good deal. Why would they get to sign off on that agreement in the first place? Because the world is a happy happy la la place and everyone loves one another? I think not
2. In those 5 years you’ll be unemployable in that industry, and in those 5 years you’ll become incapacitated from twiddling your fingers. Not only that, you’d have that “I’ve not been working with this stuff for 5 year” vibe.
3. Previous contacts from the industry will mostly no longer be great contacts.

Sounds like a brilliant deal? One-sided. Yes.

And modern day marriages? That’s what I wanted to talk about. Marriage signs away the males right to walk away from a bad relationship. If she treats you horribly in the relationship. You can’t walk away. If you do choose to do so? Unlike the non-compete agreement, when you get “fired”, not only do you not get that lump sum,you have to pay severely for such foolishness.
And like I said. If you were an elite male beforehand. Again.

1. You’d be rusty as hell. And the fact that you were once married, you are now tainted as the divorcee with the now heavy separation payments
2. Your previous contacts would no longer be good.

So a woman always complains that marriage is a bad thing for them. Then why is it that it’s the men that are afraid to commit. Not the women? Why is it that a company would want their employees to sign the non-compete agreement, and not the employees.

So you know what to do guys. Protect them testicles!

(NOTE: No animals were killed in the writing of this I guess somewhat sexist article. It was all in good natured fun, and it was just something for others to ponder on. I’m not saying women are evil. Men are evil too. I’m just saying that people in general, are just evil. Bah.)

Singing off,

Azngeek

Posted by psych at December 25th, 2007

Almost anyway. Hey there reader people. Been away for long enough. Hows life? Im good. Spurred on by the thought of Christmas day and the fun-ness that tags along. Singapore’s been good to me. Its as crowded as ever and contains, in my opinion (which hasnt changed since my last post about this place), an obscenely high amount of good looking people. Its almost like inceasing population density guarantees increasing number of hotness? Or everyone is kiasu enough not to go out unless theyre at least an 8 on a 10-scale. Ahahaha such weirdness.

Year end holidays make me wanna spend like crazy. Coupled with my condition (being extremely broke), things dont really work out well. For the most part, I just walk around and look at stuff. Which is kinda fun without much(if any) satisfaction. How else do you get rid of that urge? The christmas decorations are awesome to say the least. People know that the best decorations attract the bigger crowds so they dont mind spending the cash.

That point brings me to the main part of this article (yeap some philosophical s%%$. Its been a while since ive pondered the origins of man or the role of god in the evolutionary process anyway). The crowds.. are so so so damn introverted in their own special way. Too many people make for a very bland experience. The people vary in looks and attitudes but they all share one thing in common. They dont smile and they ignore everyone (or try to very hard) around them. This attitude naturally comes with modernization (it already happens in Malaysia). It sucks. Christmas is supposed to make everyone feel like sharing and giving love and stuff. A few people who dont share the love convince most others to do the same. After all, smiling at people who dont smile doesnt feel good. But on the bright side its imprinted into all normal peoples’ brains to return a smile when they see someone smiling at them. Our ancestors probably killed anyone who didnt smile back at them. Eventually 99% of the human population contained the right genes that didnt make the smile-er feel like an idiot.

I wrote mainly to wish everyone a merry christmas. Cos i really wish you do. A few more hours and ill be one of the happiest kids in the world =) aite. gtg. may the gifts you recieve be put to use asap. and if not then just try and return them.

pSyCh

Posted by azngeek at December 1st, 2007

I would most definitely not be trying to think of a post for this site at 1 in the morning. Or I could be at my most contemplative state when I am. It’s hard to say, for one who is so shallow minded.

Been in Malaysia for about a week now. 2 years since I last came back. I still recall back in high school when a teacher claimed Malaysia to be of a third world status. When you think about third world. You think about African countries, Bosnia, Cambodia, and the like. Malaysia would not be a country that’d come to mind immediately. Sorta like a third world country in the other extreme eh? When you think of the skyscrapers, the world class airport, a reasonably decent transportation along the peninsular, malls the size of palaces. I mean. How could you? I told that teacher, that she was a liar.

Now. In contrast, I can’t shake it off. Walking around town, and smelling the roses in the sense that, I’m no longer necessarily rushing to a destination to fulfill a routine. To ensure everything is just done according to schedule. My eyes, they are now wide open. I do not care so much about the smog or the haze that would make the more sensitive eyes water. I do not care so much about the lack of hygiene publicly, in places where it’d be much desired nor the culture which sometimes isn’t exactly, I suppose strong hygiene fibre in terms of culture if that even makes the least bit sense.

But when you see. I mean really finally just take a moment to fully appreciate. The presence of the stray animals on your streets that you lived, once lived, or visit to the abused and very disgustingly mistreated animals. I can’t help but to fill a sharp pang of sadness. From the yelping of that dog horrendously scalded by boiling water by “civilized” people, to the sad sad meowing of a kitten for its dead mother. I feel upset. I don’t want to think of it. I’ve been away for 2 years. And for 2 years. It’s been pushed to the back of my mind. But here. I am re-appreciating the stupid cruelty of selfish people. I guess. Sometimes when I’m here. I just feel profoundly sad. Time to close them eyes.

Azngeek

Posted by azngeek at August 13th, 2007

I’ve dreamt of relationships before.
How they should be.
How they are meant to be.
I’ve spent time observing people out there. I’ve seen the pain.
I’ve seen the hurt that comes with it.
I’ve seen it get ugly when others get involved.
And I can’t say that I actually can allow myself to go through it.
I’m afraid. It’s beyond what my mind can comprehend as my mind branches out to the countless possibilities of all the endings and what it may lead to.
It’s an overload of facts, figures, statistics.

My heart it beats like a well oiled clock
and the heart has the roar of a mouse.
Far too mechanical.

Still a lifetime away from finding my fluidity,
my freedom from this prison,
with the guards of an absolute logic,
the dogma of oppression I call my mind.

With that I don’t think I can love you as much as you would deserve.

I need to acquire much more maturity.
Before I’m prepared to take the dive.
To commit to one person and one person only.
To share the entirety of my feelings,
The ups and downs,
The frowns and the laughter.

Until then. Maybe I could just paint the pictures on my own.
Just a little longer.
Paint it, with you still the apple of my eye,
My Mona Lisa.
Ahh She smiles. Smiles for me.
But before the artist opens his canvas to you.
Before we paint together.
Maybe we wait.
Then we paint Paris, Rome, and Italy red.
The locals shall be so annoyed chérie,
The sneaky artisan,
And his reckless lover.
The thought makes me smile.

Till I reach the pinnacle. The summit of me.
When I can be smart, funny, and sensitive enough to your needs.
And until I’ve become the best I can possibly be not only mentally.
But physically.

All aspects. Until I can be the best I can be.
The day I become what you deserve.

Maybe. Just maybe I should keep on keeping on.
Keep on holding out.

C’est la vie

Je t’adore

( Just a short note here. This post was a contemplation post on the status quo. The optimist in me still wants the first one to be the last one. And to be the perfect one. Relationships. Pffbtttt. Unsure on what I should do. Am I ready? I don’t know.)

Posted by psych at June 7th, 2007

Damn I’m feeling extremely polarized today. Politically. Human beings do not and can not tolerate impartiality, right? Humans must all live free and equal, right? But if things aren’t equal, do people take it lying down? Do they get used to it? Did early African Americans take it lying down? Well, yes they did. Until that lady stood up for her right to sit where the hell she wanted on that goddamn bus. One fucking bus. A normal day. Made her a hero of sorts. It made sense then. It makes sense now. Chain reaction, anyone?

Things are not that bad, say in an Asian petri dish where equal opportunity does not usually follow the message of unity that is being thoughtlessly drilled into countless minds. Unity. Inhabitants (of the petri dish, microbes and other minute things) live in harmony. Relative freedom. Everything seems to be going on fine. Even though the inhabitants realize that invisible barriers are limiting the choices and moves of a few but yet are acting as stepping stones for different microorganisms. For the sake of the well being of the entire petri dish, these things exist. For what exactly? Is someone going to make a stand eventually? Say enough is fucking enough? Will it make a difference? It’s there, and I don’t see an end to it for a long, long time. The other organisms have all found ways to overcome the invisi-barrier. Took them some work but they’re doing the best they can. Survivors. Most of the organisms actually understand each other’s problems, wants and needs but confrontations arise from time to time. Especially due to the actions and words of the small number of fucktards in the population.
*The writer loves his petri dish very much and realizes that not all of the microbes (and bacteria) can be generalized and classified as simply as stated. He did so for his own convenience. After all he can’t be arsed to do more homework than needed for the post due to it being solely for ranting purposes and realizes that when he wakes up tomorrow he may regret ever posting it due to it being slightly out of context but extremely true. (Every Bloody Word) Yes, he is pissed but he only gets this pissed once in a while. This makes him an extremely suitable life partner as he always feels bad and will buy you something expensive the day after. Don’t push it, and you’ll be fine. All I am saying [We’re back on the petri dish] is that it can just take one small thing to change the course of history as we know it. Imagine if one, tiny, insignificant microorganism just said, “Hmm, I see your point. But I think I deserve it as much as any other one here. More so in fact because I actually worked for it. I’ve lived in this petri dish my whole life. I deserve it.” The issues it is talking about can range from A-Z. Anything he is stopped from doing based on the thoughts and wishes of one group of microorganisms. My DOG I’m like a bloody Ahma talking on and on like this. Like complaining to a neighbor or something. If you read this and feel the way I feel, fine. If you don’t/disagree, thats fine too. It’s not like either one of us can do anything about it anyway.

God this reminds me so much of Averdims bunny post which was awesome [by the way]. The link to his site is on right. My college life is over. Graduation here I come.

New techno-ey shit ive been listening to. Pretty nice. “Vampires Are Alive” some Swiss DJ. Go checketh it out. Not sure how old or if its already in clubs. But seeing as how late Euro stuff gets here (the arrival of the numa numa song 50billion years after it was released had me LMFAO for a long time) I doubt it.

pSyCh

Posted by psych at May 8th, 2007

Adorable me. And the crap that comes along with it. My marks are suffering. And I have no fucking idea why. Just physics though. Rest’s fine. Knn. Fingers-friggin-crossed I don’t majorly screw up anything. I don’t need it. Not now anyway.
So many things happened in the past month. Suffice it to say that it’s one I won’t want to relive. Maybe if I’m mentally masochistic. Gimme all you’ve got Mr.Real Life. It feels so gooood. Ahh…. ahhh…. mmm….. But I’m not masochistic. Physically, maybe..

How about a little story. Someone keeps posting em poems and only god knows(well almost literally) how bad my poems are. Post count UP!

Wonderwoman crouched beneath the cramped dresser, half-naked. She glanced at the darkness beyond the light from the half-closed bathroom door. Something, or someone, was watching her, and she knew it. Her mind was seething with what seemed like anger and a hint of fear but she stilled her erratically beating heart lest it give her position away. If she was going to make it out without losing her life, or anything else, she knew she had to plan her escape well. Rash decisions would only serve to push the scales of balance the other way, much to the delight of her pursuer. She knew that both of them were on equal footing. She also knew that the dresser was a pathetic excuse for a hiding place. A stalemate was not what she needed. But something was always better than nothing.

Oh my god. It’s not a sex thriller or anything. Doesn’t look like something I’d read so I don’t know where that came from. Maybe those real life crazy crime books. lmao. Looks like I’d be better off with poems. If I make it obscure enough, you guys will eat it up. =p I just realized I named the chick wonderwoman. That was supposed to be a draft name. Lets just keep it. Btw, if you didnt know, the story’s purpose is to elongate=p my post. I promise I’ll find some awesome realization soon. Just not today. This is, as can be expected of me, another rant post. Becoming a habit. Who cares anyway?
Right? Thats all you’re getting. I don’t like typing up stories. So the time spent on that might just have been a waste for me. Enjoy tho. The universe isn’t bugging me as much as it used to. Less ponderings or ‘mind-wanderings’ to post. You know, stuff along the lines of why god created the world, is Darwin a genius, how big IS the universe, will I ever get the children I want or will I get ones I kill in their infancy *gasp* I’m not a damn savage. *prays for hot children who are hot enough to make me proud of them yet are not future:sluts/paris hiltons [same thing as the previous one really]/ idiots/ bad drivers/ splurgers. Untrue rambling. I will love my child no matter what. Even if s/he kills people for money.

Hmm. The “s/he” thing just made me think. What is it like to be parents of a transsexual person? I use the term transsexual lightly because I cant be arsed to figure out the difference between transgendered and transsexual. It must suck either way. I could include a funny pic at the bottom but the internets getting screwy lately. Uploading is a bitch. Maybe just to this site tho. My downloads are on track =) Oh, I may just post a spiderman inspired poem soon. o0. Sounds good eh?
Until my next adventure,

pSyCh

Posted by azngeek at May 6th, 2007

This week. It’s been different for me. Things for this week even from the most cynical perspective. Was (dare I say it?) good (in the sort of way where everything that could go wrong didn’t. Some of the things did. But not everything). Well sure. 4 am nights, 6 am wake up calls. A 50 bloody page project would usually take the spring out of my step. And remind me how much I hate engineering. And that MAYBE I shouldn’t have skipped first year of engineering instead of diving straight into the second year thinking that it would somehow validate myself in some way, or that MAYBE I should have stuck straight to the plan, and been a good Asian boy and did medicine as I had initially planned to(but chickened out of. Because.(Fill in blanks. Be creative. I’ll give you an example. Because I was abducted by a beauty queen that wanted to elope in Vegas ONLY if I did engineering instead) But that thought kept itself quietly in the corner of my mind in stark contrast with pretty much the rest of the torturous grueling mind numbing gay ( I wuv anti-climaxes) 4 months.

Well. Now. I shall be in tewweebwel azngeek form, be hirarious, and try to make this post semi intellectual( semi -> definition: partial. NOTE: I didn’t mention how intellectual it would be. I think using words I don’t understand qualifies as some sort of intellectual stimulation. I pick the word now. *looks up* A big word!)

So about the difference in the week. I’d probably attribute it to the lack of time to actually think of thinks through. Brood over life. Contemplate existence. And just be overly philosophical and annoy the person on the treadmill next to me with my uncomplicated self absorbed annoying theories. But that lack of time. It allowed for me to make silly decisions. Like go to Mcdonalds. And have a big mac. (damn. I had mcdonalds this week. The first time in 2 and a half years… the heart stopping burger. I hope I see another day. On a totally unrelated note, a fitting quote for this news of an unfortunate event. “Give me a McStraw so I can jam it in your McEye” - some comedian.) I think we’ve established that this week was busy, but not entirely crappy.
Okay. Why the difference. Without further delay. I’ll hint more at why my week was different! Hah. Fooled you. I’m an ass : D.

EDIT: Will continue this post tomorrow. Far too sleepy right now

Bah. 4 am nights for the week finally took its toll. The 3 hours of soccer and touch (rugby you dirty dirty dirty ewww disgusting people) didn’t help either. I actually nodded off for a while there. Time of crash. 11pm.

Soooo. Where was I. yes. What made my week completely teh awesome.

Impulse buying!!!! Yay. I’ve always wanted the DVD for Once Upon A Time In China Trilogy. Collector’s Edition. WOooOooOoo. 70 dollars later. I’m happy. Impulse buying. Is soooo gratifying. Except when it sinks it then. Damn. I couldn’t justify that. But I’ve always wanted a copy of the best kung fu movie ever. And I have it now. Okay. Maybe that wasn’t the reason behind the difference for the week. And got myself a new G-Shock watch as well. Seng Ming the bugger accused me of being childish.

Timothy: I got a new watch.
Timothy: I lost my old one
You’re a mushyme: oh
You’re a mushyme: wat watch
Timothy: ended up getting one of those bulky g shock ones
Timothy: : <
You're a mushyme: y u like gshock so much ler( I actually prefer plain casio ones man. I hate those dress watches. Only wear it out to formals man. Don’t wear them otherwise. I needed a plain watch)
You’re a mushyme: so kiddish(I smell some flirting here)
Timothy: Because i’m kiddish(I return the favor)
You’re a mushyme: no ure not.. the way u think oso not ur age
You’re a mushyme: i mean it in a good way (Seng Ming is trying to hit on me here.)
Timothy: I like being kiddish(I call his bluff. And drop the bait and pretend that I’m interested)

And more random conversation bits:

You’re a mushyme: have u seen pcis of my trip to redang? *insert link here*(Man. I definitely thing he has a thing for me… I’m worried now. Further down the conversation he’s still flirting)
Timothy: No I haven’t
Timothy: you didn’t post the pics on your blog
You’re a mushyme: haha i lazy to blog la
Timothy: I see no one hot
Timothy: Wait
Timothy: Maybe.
Timothy: Oh crap. laptop screen gloss. Reflection
Timothy: Just kidding (Here is me trying to be a jerk, to make him “uninterested”)
You’re a mushyme: ass

Note, no animals were hurt in this conversation nor were any fuzzy woodland creatures crushed by lumbering industrial tree cutters in the making of this pseudo parody of a conversation between friends. (Really. Just friends. I mean. He might want something more. But I don’t think I’d like to bat for the other team just yet) Ah and Seng Ming. This was just for shits and giggles. So don’t bite my head off when I get back to Malaysia man.

On another completely random note my Asics Kayano 12s; Completely fucked them over. The best pair of sneakers I’ve ever had. 6 months. 280 dollars. A great time together. Best support I’ve received from any pair of sneakers ever, the PHF was awesome, and the rolling over support was beautiful, light weight, and well aired. It actually made amplified the running experience to the level of a constant state of a high. In laymans terms. It was orgasm inducing.(I like running. Finding the time for it is hard now though) Time to move up to the Kayano 13. And another thing I just realized. The bastard shoe stores here mark the Kayano range up far too much. 280 dollars here. When I can get it from the states for about 140 usd. Which SHOULD only work up to 200 dollars here… mmm next pair has to come from the states.

And more random randomness to titillate and tantalize your senses.

Look sideways people. And yes I know my table is messy. Cool huh? A bit hard to play on a rotated screen though. CS source Playing at 1680*1050 native resolution.

And I do realize how long a post this is. But I’m not too sure when I’ll post again, so I figured a long one would make up for any absence that may occur in the immediate future.(I’m also procrastinating some mechanics study and operational amplifiers… the mechatronics discipline sucks balls)
Ooo.Ooo. And here’s some poetry. By Nancy Wood a brilliant poet and writer. Possibly one of my favorites.

You shall ask
What good are dead leaves?
And I will tell you
They nourish the sore earth.

You shall ask
What is the reason for winter?
And I will tell you
To bring about new leaves.

You shall ask
Why are the leaves so green?
And I will tell you
Because they are rich with life.

You shall ask
Why must summer end?
And I will tell you
So the leaves can die.

And that people is some brilliant writing - The circle of life theme. Now it’s time for my own half assed crappy attempt at something of my own which is just another random piece of work. I call it lady death. And it’s for a friend who lost someone dear.

Picture from amateurillustrator.com by Asialiv

Peace out,

Azngeek

Posted by psych at March 12th, 2007

Wow. Meredith died. And came back to life. Because a black guy pushed her into water. Season finale. Not bad. We all knew she was going to make it, yet her amusing “was it real or just her imagination” conversation with those dead people served its purpose.

Yea, I love BT. After all who wants to watch old stuff on tv.

Anyway, I’ve been contemplating how I fit into this world. I’ve always imagined it as a gigantic jigsaw with every person fitting in to make it complete. That’s either a naive, ignorant or innocent look at the whole thing. Recently, I realize that some pieces make up a bigger part of the jigsaw than others. Breakdown:

1-Beggar on the street who buys booze with the money he guilts people into giving him.

He makes up a small part of it. So insignificant. Yet, still significant enough that without him, you’ll notice the hole in the puzzle. Beggars buy alot of booze -> Income for booze companies. Nah, I jest, they are aesthetically unpleasing but an integral part of society. For some reason or other.
2-You, me, everyday people (probably, I know some of you ppl have huge world-changing dreams but let’s face it the chances of you reinventing the light bulb is extremely slim. But kudos if you actually do it. Send me some cash when it happens)

We make up a bigger part: students, working class people, building a brighter tomorrow for our children in any tiny way we can. Of course the impact we make is almost nonexistent. People won’t learn your name or contribution in schools or from their parents.

You’re just a blip on the radar. But without you, countries wouldn’t run properly. The world would be chaotic. So, still important. Imo this also includes famous people like music, movies or sports people. They’re important, but not that important.
3-The huge pieces.

These are the people who make things happen on a bigger scale. Make people think about things. Create new things for man. There are alot of them. We know most of them. They range from inventors to authors to directors to activists to etc.etc.etc.

I mean, how did these people grow up to be who they are?

Aung San (Frickin house arrest. Amazing woman.),

Edison (Light. But read something about a Canadian being the first bulb inventor. Doesn’t really matter now does it?),

Martin Luther (Black power, yeah!),

Gandhi (The image of his bare chestedness is probably imprinted in minds worldwide)
even Mr. Lee (Gay cowboys, whoda thunk it?) and lets not forget authors like Hemmingway (I freagin loved old man and the sea).

People who bring new things, ideas, change, discussion, debate. All that sometimes boring good stuff.

Yea, I wanna be one of them, but no amount of contemplation or planning can get me there. I just don’t see it.

Unless for some reason (if my education goals don’t see any unforeseeable changes) I, a pharmacist, brings full on democracy to N Korea, Vietnam and
China in a cool twist of fate.

Or my invention heralds the end of AIDS and the eventual rise of Africa.

Can it happen? Can you change the world? I want to. But growing up in a Malaysian society probably means the same expectations for you (and me).

Get a good job, make money, get married, grandkids (sounds very chinese-ey). Well, that was stereotypical wasn’t it? Awesome. We aren’t exactly forced or asked to make a big difference in the world are we? Let’s just leave that to non-Malaysians.

We just gotta make sure Malaysia becomes developed by the year 2020. Yep, my personal dream come true. God that sounded spiteful. Which it wasn’t intended to be. It’s been a pleasure ranting.

Don’t expect an update from me anytime soon. Thank god there’s like 2 new ppl here. =p .. I’m counting my chickens. Lets hope they’re not too lazy.
On an uninteresting note, I’m pretty set in my Uni choice. If Curtin somehow lets me in with a slightly lower average than 90%, I’ll inform them of the orgasmic feeling they made me feel. If not, theres always those other places =)

Posted by Morpork at January 30th, 2007

I am not one with Words so I shall not be as prolific a Writer or as professional as one. I shall, however, pretend to be born of the collective imaginary Readers’ imagination and come upon Azngeek as a being of Superior Power. How is it I am a being of Superior Power? Do you not see that all present documentation of Morpork and all that will document Morpork will always be a capital letter ‘I’ in referencing to ME!?