Posted by Morpork at January 22nd, 2008

In the wee hours before I sleep, I tend to have some mental activity. I was thinking what kind of roleplaying we are doing in real life. After all, are we not all actors,
“That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”?

And by mental I mean completely mental.

I remember those choose your own adventure books and in some of them where combat is involved and you get to lug around a sword and a bow, you have to determine your stats in the character sheet. Your name is irrelevant and the first section deals with your HP. I don’t know about you but HP is definitely not my first choice of something to have in abundance. I would rather have several Canon or something but that’s just me.

The next deals with your Strength which you randomly roll with a dice. There is no benefit in having a low score for this one and most of the time you’d want to write the greatest number allowed. I remember it was along the lines of 2d6 + 3. Or more simply, two six-sided dice rolls plus 3. Or even more simply: 5 - 15.

In combat, if you lose, please restart from the beginning. Now who’d bother with combat anymore?
I don’t know where I’m going with this one, but the next section deals with your possessions. The Backpack is indispensable for any adventurer and key items must be stored here to use when the final battle arises. Or to give to a particularly hostile tribe of savages to prevent them from auto-killing you on contact. Key items are best known to be found in the inventory of passing merchants, who will also have many artifacts and trinkets for sale. The thing is, he is going to have up to a dozen things for sale and you never have enough money to buy them all. To top it off, the most expensive item is not necessarily the key item you are looking for. In fact you have no idea that you even need one. Some of these items are even useless even when presented with the option to use them. For example, if you have the rune stone of Barak’tur, turn to page 123, if not turn to page 66. If you turn to page 123, you will hold up the stone but nothing will happen because it is just a stone with some chalk on it. The monster you are facing will attack you while you are defenseless and hurt you for half your HP. Now turn to page 66.

So when I roleplay myself, I tend to think that we are many times dealt with the passing merchant conundrum. The thing we will desperately need and want will be there for us but we will have no idea to pick it up there and then.

Anyway I must now eat a ration or lose 3 HP. Even though I just had one one page ago. Stupid imperatives.

I hope you liked my article on the character sheet. Perhaps you might decide to have one of yourself. In fact I think I’ll include my LED light as part of my inventory. You never know when you’ll need the light. Especially in cinemas. Don’t want to be eaten by a grue now do you?