Posted by Morpork at August 27th, 2007

“…Huh…?” the duke said dreamily.

“We have just been condemned in the strongest possible terms, sir ,” spake* the loyal advisor to the duke.

The duke scratched his head lazily and looked at the conference chamber. The various representatives of surrounding governments were staring at him with looks that said, and the country saw fit to send me here to deal with this. This is too easy…

The duke was thinking about how things would have been. That is not to say that is any different from when he was young except that he thought of how things would have been had he been the one in office and now he thought of how things would have been if he were younger.
He got up from his seat and cleared his throat. Then he addressed the assemblage in a meek voice which nevertheless shocked the crowd.

What he said was, “Now, now. There is no need for name calling. I understand the need to express sentiment but calling me a #&^% or an @##cavity… And also……” and went on for some time before his advisor gave a polite cough and a whisper to his ear.

“My lord… They did not say those specifically. They just used the umbrella term.”

Now the duke was puzzled. “Why do they look so horrified? It is not like $%^$ is any more offensive than the strongest possible term.”

___________

*The old fossil of a man did not speak. He spake and for some reason people can hear the curls of the words he uses. It is said that spaking is not hereditary but contagious from spending too much time with stone buildings associated with royalty†.

†And the royalty spake in a worse dialect.