Posted by azngeek at July 27th, 2007

The stomach it twist and churns. The discomfort. It’s no longer palpable. You always make me feel like this. Always.

It’s hard to grasp, impossible to comprehend at this point; Why I’ve never learnt, why I always allow myself to be so vulnerable, so open, so me, when I’m around you.

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel? -Staind

When I felt like I was in a free fall spiraling out of control. You held on. Held on like no one would believe. When I could no longer stand. You were the shoulder. You let me lean on you. Around you. I was at ease. I could be at rest. Defenses down. A battle hardened soldier from the front line, at long last emancipated from the sweat soaked blood stained armor. A weight of the shoulders. Sanity? You were my sanity.

And while he wishes he could escape this
But it all seems so contagious
Not to be yourself and faceless
in a song that has no soul
I remember feeling low
I remember losing hope
And I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped -Our Lady Peace

And then. I could stand again. Stand once again. Almost. On my own two feet. And then you let go. I don’t blame you.

We are, we are all innocent,
One day, you’ll stand up on your own
You'’ll stand up on your own  -Our Lady Peace
At that point. The point of emancipation. The point of an end. The full stop to an incomplete unexplored epic. It ends.

Reality comes crashing. The relationship. The relating. The bridge that was once thought to connect two indviduals, for all this time, was just the support of the other. At that point, it breaks, it yields, and it fails.

From yesterday. You thought I was strong. And steadfast. Headstrong. You thought I could make it.

The disgusting truth is. I was weak. I was strong. Strong because of you. You gave me the strength. To do all that I’ve done. The strength to be just worthy of your affection.  You think I’m intelligible. Funny. And witty. Only because I needed to be worth your attention. Everything I’ve strived for. I’ve achieved. I thank you. You. You. You.

Maybe you’re the same as me
We see things they’ll never see
You and I are gonna live forever -Oasis

They say as time passes. Things are supposed to heal. But I still so desperately need to lean on you once again. After all this time. I still try so hard. To be worthy of you. And you alone.

And tell me everything will be alright
Lie to me once again
And ask yourself before we say goodbye
Well goodbye
Was it worth it in the end? -12 Stones

*sigh*. I do miss you. I still try to be the best me. Because of you. You know. And when I feel like I’m at my limits. I just think. Think of you.

Signing off.

Azngeek