Posted by azngeek at August 5th, 2006

So yes, I realize that among you non-existential people and even those that do exist that a lot of incompetence has been seeded among you. Pure utter stupidity, imbecilic in every comprehendable manner and then some. So yes, here’s my guide to not SOUND too stupid in front of well essentially your better half’s parents, key people in your sorry lives (I say sorry lives because you are actually reading my rant, but read on, I ain’t complaining and note how I said SOUND. This guide won’t actually make you any smarter. In fact I feel my IQ dropping as I type it out. So I can only imagine what it does to your IQ non-existential readers)

DoS

  1. Compliment the parents on their plcae of dwelling. eg: Oh a wonderful place you have their Mr. and Mrs. X. I can see that Mrs. X has a real eye for detail, and that womanly touch is definitely showcased with the divine arrangements bla bla bla. (Note: Do not compliment Mrs. X too much. Mr. X might get the wrong idea and think you are after his wife and daughter. Definite no no, in case you never noticed)
  2. Dress the part. You can dress casually, but in most cases, Bling Bling, doesn’t impress the parents. Seriously. I would know. Or not. Actually I wouldn’t know, I just hate bling. I think it’s extremely stupid and over-rated, and and, I don’t have any fucking bling. Shut up you. eg: Maybe wear a pair of jeans, and a tee shirt if you are a guy, and if you are a girl, maybe some very enticingly mini mini mini short skirt, and and wait, urm… I probably should mention that the Azngeek is a d00d. Soooo, urm, yea… mini short skirt I rike! But I think it doesn’t really impress the parents, it just highlights your assets that the son has invested money and time in to, which at times can scare …. blahhh, gahhh focus focus! Ok fine this would be a guide for d00ds to not sound too stupid. Because I’m a d00d.
  3. Remember. After meeting the parents and IF you are lucky enough to be granted permission to take your better half out, always mention a time which you will bring her back by. Eg: “I’ll get her back by 10:30 pm/ or any other time within reason.” and NOTE YOU STUPID MORONIC PEOPLE DON’T ADD STUPID DETAILS LIKE ” I’ll get her back by 10:30 pm because I’d have banged her in the 4ss by then in my car” That would make you sound, urm… yea.. enough said.

Do NotS

  1. Make any comments other than the ones above. Because you are stupid. You’ll probably fuck up. Possible scenarios? “Oh yea, urm the food was great, except those peanuts tasted a bit funky. Tasted like someone shoved it up an ass.” or “Your daughter is damn hot. She said we could do it tonight!” (In the second comment, sure the d00d expresses his enthusiasm towards his better half, but in a derogatory manner, and the second part just fucked him up totally. Like I said, you readers, keep your comments to yourself when in front of the parents. Otherwise you’ll shoot yourself in the foot, then dont’ come crying to me. You have been warned)
  2. Keep any jokes to yourself. Because you are stupid. Again similar reasons to the above.
  3. Show the parents the sexual toys that you intend to experiment out with your better half. That’s wrong and disgusting at many different levels, and I’m beginning to be a bit suspect on why I’m actually typing this non-sensical post.
  4. Do not be yourself. You are a moron. Try to be someone else.

And yea, I think that’s pretty much the guide part 1 for now

“Dude. I’ll beat the dude out of you, dude!” - Unknown source

I actually had a bad day and week in fact. FUCK. Bleh. So sue me, if this post sucks. As if I care.