Posted by azngeek at July 17th, 2006

I think organic chemistry is my inspiration to come up with non-sensical posts….. fuck….. I’m done with chemistry for the week by the way people, pat me on the back, give me a banana, and call me a monkey’s uncle. Really. Pat me on the back, give me a banana, and call me a monkey’s uncle. So yes, I was thinking, you know how sometimes you meet some people, and as soon as they open their freagin mouths, they just seem so god damn intelligible? They make you feel all inferior, and that you need to hold on to something so bad? Fret no more non-existential readers. I’ll teach you THE SECRET behind sounding really REALLY smart with the following steps at a low low fee of 99 monthly instalment payments of 1 dollar. Or not. You could just read it for free you cheapskates, which ever suits your fancy. So to the batcave!

Step 1:
To completely brush of other people’s opinions and views to show that you are an intellectual giant that’ll crush them like the fucking tiny bugs that they are
eg. That’s nonsense, that’s rubbish, that’s nonsensical, that makes zero sense what so ever

Step 2:
Step 1 was the inititiation step in crushing their confidence, and for good measure you should repeat it for emphasis, but with a different choice of words. (For you Asians you have a huge advantage if you memorize the dictionary. Go memorize the dictionary now. I SAID NOW) You know what they say, kick a man while they are down! Note to seem even more intelligible use bombastic words, exercise this loop hole in the Engrish language.
eg. That is SUPERFLUOS in every way, Such laughable EXPOSTULATION, There is no FOUNDATION in your argument, (and something you could use against gamers) Yeah sure whatever, newbie

Step 3:
Continue to break down the other person’s confidence in a question form while repeating what they said to give yourself a chance to think of your own opinions because you think too damn slow. That’s why you are actually using this guide you moron.
eg. Do you sincerely think that “repeat what the other person said”, And why are you talking about “repeat what the other person said”, How can you honestly believe that “repeat what the other person said”

Step 4:
Finally delivering the killer blow in securing your intellectual upper hand over the other person. Express your opinions, with facts, they don’t have to be real. But numbers give your argument substance. If possible use any technical terms that the other may not understand, but approach with caution. When the other person’s face looks all bamboozled and just confused, you know that you have established you are intelligably leaps and bounds superior.

Here’s an illustration of the four-fan-fucking-tastic steps in making yourself seem smarter, instantly, I know I don’t use it :

A: I feel that the war in Iraq should never have happened. Bush is such an idiot doing it solely for oil.
(Note person B has no idea on what the war in Iraq is about whatsoever, neither does person A , but bringing up an international issue is always a way to establish the possesion of some myriad of intelligence. A overheard someones conversation and thought he could exercise the monkey see monkey do tactic)
B : That’s absolute nonsense. (3 seconds silence) Such laughable expostulation was surely only mentioned to compensate your lack of thought with the number of sophistical examples. You are wrong. You are a confused individual in your blind zeal. Your assumptions are absurd.
(See B exercsied step 1 and step 2, multiple times and he already has the upper hand in terms of intelligence. A must be feeling pretty small right now and must wish he didn’t bring up something in which he had no knowlege in)
B: Do you sincerely think that the war on Iraq shouldn’t have happened? Do you honestly feel that Bush only is in their for the oil (I know this is very debatable). Did you know that 63.45% of the parliament agreed on Bush’s decision on the vote on supply? (usage of numbers/facts untrue as they may be. Vote on supply -> a technical term whatever that means.) In your blind ZEAL you came to a proposterous conclusion.

See, B seems heaps smart! Fuck. He actually seems like a pompous-mother-fucking-jerk. But at least a smart pompous-mother-fucking-jerk. This would make you soooo god damn popular. Use these 4 magical steps, and watch your life improve. NOTE: These steps have not be proven to work, use at own risk. Personally though the Azngeek thinks it makes you sound like an absolute bastard who should be shot in the foot multiple times, stabbed in the arms, have toothpicks shoved under your nails and be run over with a car, then a truck, and be brought to the hospital only to have the entire nation be on a power crisis with all generators malfunctioning. But that’s what I think. What do I know.