The AznGeek

Posted by azngeek at July 29th, 2006

Yes, about the web lingo update. I think it has to be for another time when I feel less inspired with collosally amazing ideas. Was doing some maths, and then went to wash up, and it came to me. Like someone or SOMETHING WANTED me to write about this. The secrets of some anicent force which has given me no option, an ultimatum to impart to you, my non existential readers these hidden bits of knowledge that men all over the globe and than some have gone stark raving mad in their quest to discover IT. Yes. This is a COMPREHENSIVE. THE COMPREHENSIVE ULTIMATE SUPER DUPER QUADRUPLE TRIPLE X MEGA guide to telling whether you are a Bad Boy Geek. What is a Bad Boy Geek pray tell? You have much to learn young grasshopper, and for being non-existential you have even more to learn. But yes, I the Azngeek, will impart to you this knowledge. (I know i’m god damn repetitive and redundant. Shut up and read you moron and stop questioning. You are after all non-existential)

Lets start with the basics. The definitions.

Geek : A term similar to nerd, but slightly less pejorative in tone.

Bad : Having undesirable qualities, OR intense!!!111oneoneoneoneeleven!

Boy :”Boy (I Need You)” was the second single from Mariah Carey’s 12th album, Charmbracelet.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boy_(I_Need_You)

Oh crap. That’s not quite right is it. Meh. Just read on. So yes. Essentially, a Bad Boy Geek, is a Geek who is a bad boy, IE a Geek who is INTENSE (HOW THE FUCK CAN A GEEK HAVE UNDESIRABLE QUALITIES. EVERYONE LOVES GEEKS. CHICKS LOVE GEEKS. PARENTS LOVE GEEKS. TEACHERS LOVE GEEKS. EMPLOYERS LOVE GEEKS - THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY A GEEK CAN HAVE EVEN THE REMOTEST UNDESIRABLE QUALITY FUCK YEA!) Ok. Where was I. Oh yes, Bad Boy Gee -> Intense Geek. So the 7 Tell-Tale Signs You are a Bad Boy Geek are as follow.

1. First and foremost. You have done some gaming of the few great games. IE warcraft, starcraft, counterstrike, half life, age of empires, red alert. One or more would qualify you for this criteria. AND if you have what I like calling THE-RAGE. It’s likely you are a bad boy geek. An example of THE-RAGE : While playing counter strike, you get shot in the head, as soon as you see someone, you bang your keyboard and scream constant profanities. Bang your head on the keyboard. Scream more profanities %^$*&%&*(* and then some more profanities. Then when it happens again you are soooooooo fucked up, you stab someone. Actually you don’t. You just repeat everythign before the stabbing. I just thought stabbing would be cool. By the way, this is one of the most INTENSE characterisitcs of the Bad Boy Geek. The women find it desirable, extremely desirable. I would know. That’s why i’ve had like 12474281596796721057102973408725 friends who are female (whispers* times zero : D)
2. Secondly, you have the UNCANNY abilitiy (like wolverine, but better) to be able to sit at the computer for at 5 hours or more, and have your sweaty palms tightly gripping that mouse on that black sexy sleek mousepad of yours which are designed for “gamers” which helps you perform 10.956% better at the previously mentioned games. Actually you just need to be able to sit at the computer for 5 hours or more. That’s pretty much it. Meh. But yea. I thought I should be a little more descriptive an illustrate to you a prime example of THE BAD BOY GEEK which soooooooooo isn’t me. I’m just a geek, not yet a bad boy geek.
3. Thirdly, you have glasses which always slide down your nose, revealing your sinisterly INTENSE eyes full of passion for the debates of technological marvel. Such as the debate of which is better ball vs optical vs laser mouses. OR OR whhhyyyyyy the greens are better than the blues hyuck hyuck. Fuck. I mean amds are better than intel or vice versa. I probably lost most of my readers back there, but meh. Basically ANY person who argues about something like that, are likely to be a BAD BOY GEEK
4. Fourth, you have your own web page where you type at your keyboard. The pitiful bastards. FUCK YOU GUYS AHHAH. NO LIFE WHATSO- urm… damn… forget I said that… I mean you guys are so cool
5. Fifth, you always mention school work, or work in general because you are so passionate about it, or you are an anal retentive mother fucker that is just well… an anal rententive mother fucker. Enough said.
6. Sixth, you understand the difference between working with higher resolution screens compared to lower ones. You are an advocate of high resolution screens for maximum productivity and seriously see the undeniable benefit behind the benefits of high resolution screens.
7. Seven, repeat number one to six.
8. I’m so cool. You need to worhship me. You are not worthy non-existential readers (I just realized you could be a girl to be a Bad Boy Geek. Go figure. I’m a sexist.Shut.up.)

If you score 4 and above out of 8 you are A BAD BOY GEEK!

And yea. Heh. I actually had more than 7 on my list. Woops. And yes. I just read through my list, and urm. Yeah. I’m not a Bad Boy Geek. Or maybe I am. You lie! All lies. Gahhhh. Fuck you. Fuck you too. *punches self* hah take that. That actually hurt bitch! *punches self back* That’s right. Fuck you. Fuck you too. DIE DIE DIE. DIE DOT COM MOTHER FUCKE- Oh. Heh. I’m still at this write post page. I didn’t realize. Urm. I soooo don’t have an alternate personality. Azngeek. *clicks publish*

EDIT : Might I add that in NOOOOO way whatsoever am i referring to myself. Really. Really. Orly?Yarly.

Posted by psych at July 28th, 2006

Wow. Nice things keep happening to me. Lost my phone. Yeap. Lost it. I knew this week was bad but wtf am i right? Argh. I am so high, I can hear heaven. So high… on grief and pain. Now I’m stuck with a Samsung. Damn you Samsung phone. Damn your small screen and tiny keys. Damn your cute appearance and your annoying beeps. Damn your ultra limited memory and most of all, damn ME for losing something so DAMN BIG in the first place (Thats Actually The Worst Part About This Whole Crappy Situation). Its excusable to lose the most tiniest, thinnest, lightest, almost invisibleish phone. But not one that looks like it could swallow your head. Too bad eh. Congrats to the lucky bastard who stole it. You Lucky Bastard. I hope s/hes the kind of person with some kind of brain defect. One look at the pr0n in the phone and itll trigger a major stroke. Wish you hadnt stolen my pr0n ridden phone now eh?(the pr0ns not my doing btw. pervy hands of pervy people with pr0n ridden phones can do amazing things. Thanks Bluetooth!) My Samsungs clean. So it just doesnt feel the same….

• OMG PSYCH THAT WAS AN AWESOME RANT!!!
• I KNOW RIGHT!!!!
• OMG I WANNA BE WITH YOU SO BAD!!!!
• I KNOW RIGHT!!!!
• OMG YOU ROCK MY WORLD!!!!!!
• I KNOW RIGHT!!!!
• I LOVE YOU!!!!!!
• I KNOW RIGHT!!! I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!
• OMG PSYCH LETS GO TO HOLLAND AND GET MARRIED!!!!
• lets… not.

On to the good stuff. The cool convo above was included solely for the purpose of making my post take up most of the page. If it still doesn’t then I could just delete everyone else’s posts right? No? Ok.

I was on the train minding my own business when I spotted an empty seat. Took it without thinking twice. Was trying to get away from a weird Indian guy who was feeling me with his eyes (for lack of a better phrase. Seriously I think thats what girls complain about when they tell you that there’s a guy staring at them. I almost felt his probing eyes undress me slowly. Exaggeration? Probably. Didnt confront him cos it coulve been all in my mind. =) But we all know the truth right?) Ahem. Anyway I was just sitting there, looking forlorn(I think) when a voice beside me said, “You’re Jon right?”. Lo and ZOMGG- Malay Girl Who Looks Kinda Familiar Looking Right At Me. Managed to get to know that she was my Standard 2/3/4 something classmate. God everything came back in that second. She seemed cool about meeting in the train. We exchanged pleasantries. But through all that, there was one thing in my mind… Her stealing my pen. The memory of her stealing it, denying it, making excuses, calling me a liar, me calling her a thief, her crying… all etched in my mind like some kind of movie. A movie that kept repeating itself as I talked to her about college, where she went after Standard 6. The usual crap. My blood was boiling by the time we were done talking. Very childish right? Well if you thought that youre absolutely right. Unresolved issues can be a butch. It might not even be that. I might just have a weird grudge holding complex. First time so far as I can tell. But those unresolved issues from your past might just come back and haunt you sometime soon. Well it probably wont but it might. Instead of a pen. It could be something important. Like your dignity? Think about it.

Power to the Masses,

Death to all Teddy-Bears.

Have A Kickass Weekend.

pSyCh

Posted by azngeek at July 27th, 2006

Guess what non-existential readers. That’s right. The prime-fucking minister came to my school today. Click on the link. She’s the one on the right. That’s right. Helen-Clarkey-dackey-doo. She came because I’m so god damn important and needed my help on some important decisions in determining the future of New Zealand and really couldn’t wait later, as she is an incompetent bitch who needs my fucking help. No really. Really. Fine. Couldn’t fool you people. You aren’t as moronic as I thought. *points finger and laughs at the person behind the screen* YOU FELL FOR IT! Out of all seriousness though, she DID come to my school. For you people who don’t know Helen Clark the socialist !@#$%^&*. Please shoot yourself now and bleed to a slow and painful and horribly gruesome death. She’s the prime minister of New Zealand you imbeciles. *sigh* Just when I thought you non-existential readers were gaining some myriad of intelligence. You fooled me readers! Time to quote Georgey-Porgey Bush in one of his speeches while addressing the war in Iraq. “Fooled me once, shame on you. Fooled me twice. Errrr… *shrug*” Click on the link, if you are so god damn moronic you don’t know the biggest idiot of the millenium Georgey-Porgey Bush. I’m beginning to sense some hostility here. Might just be me. Mmm. Yea. So where was I. Oh yes. He-Ren Crack. (He - refers to well he, eg, he is a fucking moron. Ren, for you chinese, means person, though I highly doubt whether Helen Clark is actually human. I believe she’s from pssst, *whispers* Area 51. Another one of Georgey-Porgey’s elaborate yet idiotic plan. Releasing an extra terrestrial to lead a country, only to have the extra-terrestrial backstab the Bush!) Hmmm. So yes. I’m still yet to understand what I just typed out, but I felt like a rant, after doing 3-DDDDDDDD Vec…vect….tors. Woooo. Fuck. Meh. Yes. Anyways. That’s me. That’s my rant. That’s azngeek for you. Another rant later on in the week, when I have more time. On a side note, I noticed a friend who referred to himself as being in trouble. And well, he used one of the inter-web lingo(s) -> depending on my mood, how much I educate you <- that I very much think I should educate my fine-dumbass-non-existential readers before I leave. It’ll be my obligation and my good deed for this lifetime. When you are in trouble say: “Yo. Dude. Really man. die.dot.com.” -> 100 COOL POINTS KACHING! die.dot.com. You see. Makes you sound cool. Like that fucking geek, with his blooooooooe thud headset, and and and, hissssss pink polo teeeeee shirt. (NOTE: for morons, die.dot.com, refers to being in trouble. Therefore the allusion to dieing, and the inter-web allusions just makes you REALLY cool. Chicks dig it. I would know. Chicks dig me) I really should write out a full article on this internet lingo business. The next time I will. (As you can see, non-coherent, on the fly rants ) - Azngeek

Posted by psych at July 25th, 2006

Hiyaz u doods n doodhettes oot dhere. (Yea you the ones who aren’t real. I’m actually starting to wonder if there actually are people reading this blog. The comments posted here seem to be realistic enough. If they aren’t, Im probably gonna need some Prozac or something. yea. go prozac… im gonna go cut my wrists now. wheres my prozac?

Ahem. Erm, This is just a quickie for me to waste some time on. Don’t worry though, its worth the read. So don’t skip anything you lazy motherf awesome reader.

Well, I mentioned the Prozac already. So do i need to go furthur with that? Ok. Let’s learn about Prozac.

Allright kids… this medicine right… Its for really rreeaaallly sad people (awwwwwww) WhoWantToKillThemselves AndOthersAlongWithThem IfTheyGetTheChance. Hmm.. maybe suicide bombers are people who just missed their dose or something.. or is the so called “prozac” thats being prescribed to them actually sand, dirt, and some water ground up and made into pills in a shack somewhere in Kazakhstan? Neways, its good for you if you feel down and dirty depressed. That was a rant btw. Just FYI.

On to the POT. Ahh. Learnt from a Dutch boy(think Dutch Lady but instead of a woman with those things its a Boy). Nah. Ima justa kidding for funa. Hes actually pretty cool. Anyways about the goings on of Pot in Good Ol Holland/N’lands. As we all know(yes even you should know this you nonexistensialishperson) that marijuana is pretty legal there. Learnt from him that Its Not Really Legal for the following reasons.

• YOU CANT SMOKE IT IN PUBLIC!(at home is fine)
• YOU CANT BUY IT LEGALLY IF YOU WANT MORE THAN 5 GRAMS (But owning it is fine as long as you dont intend to sell)
• COFFEESHOPS ARE POTSPOTS!(Yea its a well known fact. Coffeeshops in Amsterdam are places you can legally but a little pot.)

Learnt all this during lunch. Delish. I actually know (firsthand) an ex(maybe) pot smoker!
Oh btw. Check out a new series on USA(those who dont have it should know what to do. Well if you don’t I’ll just tell you. Go IMDB it. then go GET IT. If you don’t know how to I wonder how you survived this long in the **torrent** age without having some kind of clue..) Its called “psych”. OMG COINCIDENCE?? Maybe. Its very Very Very Cool. Like MONK but different in its own unique way. Heres to hoping it doesnt get cancelled before its second season. I know you lazy people(who dont exist) too well. Ill make it easier for you guys.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0491738/
there. Brace yourselves guys, its gonna be a long long week.

pSyCh

Posted by azngeek at July 23rd, 2006

Heh check this link out http://www.spimps.co.nz/videos/italian-training-camp/. Courtesy of sneakerpimps. On a side note, I’ve been approached by a few non-existential readers on the articles/rants posted on azngeek. I’d like to point out that currently there are 3 active posters, or not so active posters, but meh. First and foremost there is me, the azngeek, then there is psych and ph. If you check the categories, azngeek, psych and ph have their/our own categories respectively. I thought I’d just point that out. And yea that’s pretty much it. Azngeek.

Posted by azngeek at July 21st, 2006

Seriously non-existent readers. What is the world coming to. I went for a run, which has become a daily habbit fir a while now. So yes. What is the worst that can happen to an Asian going for a run in a country where the majority is the white man? Racist comments? “FUCK OFF FROM OUR COUNTRY YOU DAMN ASIANS!” That kinda thing? Bastards beeping their disgusting horns to try to get you to feel all jumpy? Oh. I’ve experienced something far worse, but at the same time it captivated me. It was somehow, enthralling in its divinely beautiful horror. At the last kilometre of my run, the floor suddenly began to vibrate under my feet with the immense power of … SUB WOOFERS. WHAT THE FUCK!? Yes. Sub woofers. So what you may ask? Mmm my reply is shut the hell up, and listen non-existential readers. Gahhh you interrupted my flow… hmm so where was I?… Ah yes the sub woofers. I turned my head slowly to make sure the beast was not suspicious of anyone watching and what I was to see, was dastardly evil, disturbingly shocking, disgustingly gruesome. I’m not talking about those riced up cars that us Asians currently have a high affinity for, with BMW stickers on stupid cheapo Jap cars, furry fuzzy fucked up toys sticking out from every corner of the car, and a dumb ass driver who speaks too loud over the phone and can’t drive to save their own life. This was worse. It was a black family sedan which was covered in a blanket of dust and had rust creeping up from the sides eating away at the body of what looked like a 1000 year old car. I believe it was a Holden. But that wasn’t what was shocking. The music that was being played? Not high pitched non sensical screechy asian music, but Queens - Another One Bites the Dust, and in the black sedan sat a man who must have been his mid fucking fourties. FUCK. SUPER MID LIFE CRISIS!!!!1111oneoneoneeleven He had a receding hair line, and all the classic signs of ageing were potrayed by the delectable specimen of mid-aged-loser-white-thrash-male. Now, I’ve seen too much in this lifetime. Goodbye cruel world! (Got you worried their didn’t I… sigh… gullibility among non-existential readers… mmmm shocking in its own right)

No, but out of all seriousness as is I already find it impossibly hard enough to understand why young mother fuckers rice up their cars and make it all fucking impractical with dumb ass useless subwoofer systems in their cheap shit cars, with body kit mods for spoilers that thingy at the bottom, whatever you call it,… mmmm the FUCK I know this word…. Brain-not-functioning. I know it ain’t a bumper kit… Mmmmm … you know those thingies you shove like around the bumper and all around your car, the lower area… I know lots of dumb asses doing it with their jap cars. Even fucking huge armies of them do it in Malaysia. Meh. The foolishness of youth. Actually the stupidity of the majority of the fucking youth! Mmmm… yea, so I definitely can’t understand why an elderly man would allow himself to commit an act of absolute self degrading. I don’t get it. Truly. Could it be he wants to be accepted by the younger community as being just as idiotically stupid? At least I can laugh at those self proclaimed gangster people who still stay with their parents and have absolutely zero intelligence whatsoever. But this? He didn’t look gangster in terms of clothing, no bling and shit, but his car, and attitude looked riced up enough to pass him off as one. Shit he was grabbing the wheel with one had, bobbing his head to the beat with his lips curled in a defiant-gangsterish way.But come to think of it, he probably still does stay with his parents, unless they are dead or something, and probably does have zero intellgence… but the receeding hairline… and shit definitely took out the humor from that fucker… damn… I guess I should end my rant here. Azngeek

Posted by psych at July 19th, 2006

Hey there nobodys. Second time doing this (not really) and I’m gonna bore you with something really wholesome today. Everyone knows about the Isr@el vs Leb@non +P@lestine or better known as US+Israel vs. [The+Whole+@rab+World - Jord@n - Egypt]. Ppl might google this site up and get pissed at things I say. Hell, they wont, but just to make sure ive changed the names to protect my privacy. Dont want evil terrorist people flaming this site =) After all there are billions of sites with the key words isr@el, ar@b, p@lestine, war, jew, muslim, intif@da, zionism, kill jews, evil jews, f**k jews, f**k israel etc. =) I dont have time for idiot replies (unless you actually make a point or ask questions). Watched a rerun of Larry King and boy does that weirdo have all the connections. He had a rep from Hezboll@h, from Isr@el(who did a damn good job imo), Amanpour(I Kinda Love Her), Anderson(Gotta Give Him Props For Looking So Damn Good At 40-mygodimgayforandersonforsomereason), Albright(the old, white ex-Condoleezza for people who dont know her) and a few other guys. PS- If youre really not interested in anything political then just skip parts you deem unfit for your virgin eyes.

I wish terrorism would stop. Atm that implies Islamic Extremists(cos theyre really popular now). I really do. After all its not impossible for Asia to become the next top terrorist target. Think about it, compared to Western countries, the security here is lax(even countries like Jap, HK and Singapore-those places are tight but not THAT tight). Whats more if you take a region like SEA where bribery is commonplace and visas are easily obtainable, its almost a 100% chance of success. All it takes is a terrorist to figure that out. Why would they target us? Because they can. If theyre willing to blow themselves up in the first place you cant really expect them to think logically 24/7. I mean look at Bali. Why would they bomb Bali? Killing tourists doesnt make any kind of statement. They even killed a number of Muslims while they were at it but they dont really give a damn. Brain could go on but my fingers won’t.

Aaaanyway, Larry did his usual thing. Mini interviews all around. It stopped at the Hez guy who seemed pretty much in awe that Israel would even consider attacking them over the alternative. After all they just wanted “PEACEFUL NEGOTIATIONS”. Imo, If someone wanted peaceful negotiations then they shouldnt have tresspassed on enemy territory, kidnapped their soldiers and sent rockets into Israels towns. After all, the world wouldnt be more on Israels side if it simply invaded southern Lebanon without provocation. If what the guy said ->”Israel has an alternative plan for Lebanon and is not concerned with the kidnapped soldiers” is true, why the hell would you give it reason to get into your territories in the first place. Thats Dumb. Stupid. Stupid. God. Those words were almost right from his mouth btw, at least that was his point. I’m not saying Israel is totally blameless. Killing civilians is Not Cool. France is being a bitch. A reasonable bitch. After all it is a former occupant of Lebanon so it has interests there. What it said is pretty reasonable. Israel is overreacting. Lets see them just sit passively by if their soldiers get kidnapped and their towns are being bombed. Well, Israel IS overreacting. Pretty much all the casualties are Lebanese civs. That sucks. Bad.

Anyway its pretty much the same old story told again with some names changed. We know the probable outcome. Israel wins, US claims small victory in War Against Terrorism, Bush messes up his victory speech, Bush talks about pigs(hilarious stuff. Watch Jon Stewart), Bush grins, Bush cant get down from podium, Bush looks confused, Bush gets help, Bush does silly wave, Bush slyly winks at Condoleezza. They both undress, get into the tub, gently carressing, get the black maid to join. make an oreo….. skip a few seconds….. fondle, fondle, a sigh, another sigh. some frustration. Some yelling”Whats WRong With IT?”, some frustration. some consoling. Bush is alone again. Bush is sad. Weird rant #2 comes to an end. Hope you had fun. Just remember not to wiki info about the war cos we all know how reliable wiki is with controversial subjects =). Go to GoogleNews for reliable info. Btw the rant above was pretty one-sided. Accurate I believe but one-sided. If you feel like stating anything do so. This subject is related to an assignment of mine so any mistakes you point out could very well increase my marks. btw, almost everything except the third paragraph was written in jest. so dont ride me on that. rants a rant. nothing more. this post might *crosses fingers and other things* increase the # of unique visitors here.

Until nxt time.

pSyCh

Posted by azngeek at July 17th, 2006

So yes, I was nerding up some 3 dimensional vectors, and as I finished the last question, I saw a sign. There was a book neatly placed on the chair beside me. Blood and Gold: The Vampire Marius, by Anne Rice which so happens to be not a bad book. I would know. I read it before you moronic non-existential readers. For people who don’t exist, your intelligence levels are shocking. You imaginary people should be PERFECT. Why else would I want non-existing readers if you people weren’t perfect. It’s hard to get good help these days. Bleh. So as I was saying, a best selling author’s book next to me, after finishing up on vectors. It has to be a sign for something greater. I could almost see that imaginary light sneaking through the blinds to highlight the utter importance of this book which was to play a pivotal role in my life. Yes, an authentic-ass-kicking-aspiring-azngeek post. Shutupmylifedoesn’tsuck. So I’ll take it that you non-existential readers know about Anne Rice, because you people are perfect. So yes, what do all best selling authors have in common. J.K Rowling, Tolkien, Patricia Cornwell, Stephen King, etc. Mmm. Open to the first,second, or last page, or even the cover of the book. They all have the aproval seal of certain people/organizations/bodies/companies etc. Still don’t understand me? Let me illustrate some examples for you people. “Refreshing” -New York Times “You wouldn’t want to miss this breathtaking adventure” - Washington Post “A fresh new perspective of vampires/ghosts/the adventure genre” - Some famous dude “Fans of — bestselling —- series will rush out to buy this new one — intentive fare.” - Mail On Sunday and one last one for good measure “A journey of the soul explored” - Some gay bastard *twitch* (I bet someone explores something else when he drops a bar of soap in public showers) Still don’t see the stupidity behind best selling authors? *slaps forhead* Shit non-existential readers. You guys suck urm you guys suck poo poo! Don’t you see the elaborate agreement they have made with these so-called influential/famous bodies/people/organizations etc. They advertise for each other, after they have achieved some sort of tangibility as an acclaimed writer. Don’t believe me? Mmmm. Let me quote something at the back of the book I have right beside me right this instant. “Rice’s most passionate and inventive work since Interview with the Vampire, Memnoch has a half maddened fever-pitch intenisty and tells a tale as old as Scripture’s legends and as modern as todays’ religous warefare.’ Mikal Gilmore, ROLLING STONES“ You see. ROLLING STONES emboldened don’t you. First off which imbecilic bafoon would fall for that. Singers don’t read. Rock singers don’t read. They rock. They sing. They don’t read you asshole. But when some dumb ass in his mid 40s who grew up listening to the likes of Rolling Stones, The Beatles, The Beegees, The Cardigans etc. they’d probably light up like a little child on christmas eves when the child has his finger plugged in into a 400000 volt live unearthed power source. And then he’ll buy the damn book to read it just because the ROLLING STONES said something good about it. Heck, even for us people who don’t really have a high affinity for the Rolling stones, when we see that, we get that subliminal urge to listen to the Rolling Stones. You don’t? Shut up. You are stupid. I’m guessing you still don’t see the stupidity behind best-selling authors. No? You do? What is it then. That’s right bitch, shut up, sit down, and listen. Best-selling authors actually have to achieve a certain standard first before becoming a best-selling author no? Well here’s where they are stupid. All they have to bloody do is just call up the Rolling Stones, call up the New York Times, the Washington Post, etc. offer them a comission, get them to claim it as a best-seller then all majority of the consumers who are stupid as fuck will buy the fucking book! And to further their wealth and fortunes, instead of quoting other people, they should be quoting themselves! Don’t bloody believe me? Ee gad, non-existential readers. Do I have to think of every damn thing? You remember this? “Rice’s most passionate and inventive work since Interview with the Vampire, Memnoch has a half maddened fever-pitch intenisty and tells a tale as old as Scripture’s legends and as modern as todays’ religous warefare.’ Mikal Gilmore, ROLLING STONES“ what if it were like this instead? “Rice’s most passionate and inventive work since Interview with the Vampire, Memnoch has a half maddened fever-pitch intenisty and tells a tale as old as Scripture’s legends and as modern as todays’ religous warefare.’ Anne-fucking-Rice“ You see. NOT ONLY WILL THE AUTHOR GAIN BEST SELLING STATUS. The author will be doing advertistment for him/herself as well. You see, when I read that I go, hmmm MUST FIND OUT MORE ABOUT ANNE RICE. SHE SOUNDS SO COOOOOOLLLLLLL. That’s right morons. I’m right. You are wrong. 100% absolute authority in the arena of intelligence. I’m a gladiator of absolute supreme intelligence. Not only that. The new best selling author can go even further by cutting out all the people of their commissions. Not only do you become fan-fucking-tastically-famous-for-free (almost for free) with almost zero effort, you become rich as well. Fuck. I just came up with the most ingenious get rich scheme ever. Hah! That proves I’m Asian! Fuck yea! I guess that’s my rant for today people. On a totally unrelated matter. The next time some wise ass mother fucker tells you you can only do something when pigs can fly, I have a quick and easy reply for you to use. “Ok, I find pig now and shove rocket up piggy wiggy bum-bum. Then piggy fry!/fly” - Azngeek- DISCLAIMER : I do not accept any responsibility for any idiocy that it is to be committed by any non-existential readers of mine from reading my non-sensical-non-coherent rant.

Posted by azngeek at July 17th, 2006

I think organic chemistry is my inspiration to come up with non-sensical posts….. fuck….. I’m done with chemistry for the week by the way people, pat me on the back, give me a banana, and call me a monkey’s uncle. Really. Pat me on the back, give me a banana, and call me a monkey’s uncle. So yes, I was thinking, you know how sometimes you meet some people, and as soon as they open their freagin mouths, they just seem so god damn intelligible? They make you feel all inferior, and that you need to hold on to something so bad? Fret no more non-existential readers. I’ll teach you THE SECRET behind sounding really REALLY smart with the following steps at a low low fee of 99 monthly instalment payments of 1 dollar. Or not. You could just read it for free you cheapskates, which ever suits your fancy. So to the batcave!

Step 1:
To completely brush of other people’s opinions and views to show that you are an intellectual giant that’ll crush them like the fucking tiny bugs that they are
eg. That’s nonsense, that’s rubbish, that’s nonsensical, that makes zero sense what so ever

Step 2:
Step 1 was the inititiation step in crushing their confidence, and for good measure you should repeat it for emphasis, but with a different choice of words. (For you Asians you have a huge advantage if you memorize the dictionary. Go memorize the dictionary now. I SAID NOW) You know what they say, kick a man while they are down! Note to seem even more intelligible use bombastic words, exercise this loop hole in the Engrish language.
eg. That is SUPERFLUOS in every way, Such laughable EXPOSTULATION, There is no FOUNDATION in your argument, (and something you could use against gamers) Yeah sure whatever, newbie

Step 3:
Continue to break down the other person’s confidence in a question form while repeating what they said to give yourself a chance to think of your own opinions because you think too damn slow. That’s why you are actually using this guide you moron.
eg. Do you sincerely think that “repeat what the other person said”, And why are you talking about “repeat what the other person said”, How can you honestly believe that “repeat what the other person said”

Step 4:
Finally delivering the killer blow in securing your intellectual upper hand over the other person. Express your opinions, with facts, they don’t have to be real. But numbers give your argument substance. If possible use any technical terms that the other may not understand, but approach with caution. When the other person’s face looks all bamboozled and just confused, you know that you have established you are intelligably leaps and bounds superior.

Here’s an illustration of the four-fan-fucking-tastic steps in making yourself seem smarter, instantly, I know I don’t use it :

A: I feel that the war in Iraq should never have happened. Bush is such an idiot doing it solely for oil.
(Note person B has no idea on what the war in Iraq is about whatsoever, neither does person A , but bringing up an international issue is always a way to establish the possesion of some myriad of intelligence. A overheard someones conversation and thought he could exercise the monkey see monkey do tactic)
B : That’s absolute nonsense. (3 seconds silence) Such laughable expostulation was surely only mentioned to compensate your lack of thought with the number of sophistical examples. You are wrong. You are a confused individual in your blind zeal. Your assumptions are absurd.
(See B exercsied step 1 and step 2, multiple times and he already has the upper hand in terms of intelligence. A must be feeling pretty small right now and must wish he didn’t bring up something in which he had no knowlege in)
B: Do you sincerely think that the war on Iraq shouldn’t have happened? Do you honestly feel that Bush only is in their for the oil (I know this is very debatable). Did you know that 63.45% of the parliament agreed on Bush’s decision on the vote on supply? (usage of numbers/facts untrue as they may be. Vote on supply -> a technical term whatever that means.) In your blind ZEAL you came to a proposterous conclusion.

See, B seems heaps smart! Fuck. He actually seems like a pompous-mother-fucking-jerk. But at least a smart pompous-mother-fucking-jerk. This would make you soooo god damn popular. Use these 4 magical steps, and watch your life improve. NOTE: These steps have not be proven to work, use at own risk. Personally though the Azngeek thinks it makes you sound like an absolute bastard who should be shot in the foot multiple times, stabbed in the arms, have toothpicks shoved under your nails and be run over with a car, then a truck, and be brought to the hospital only to have the entire nation be on a power crisis with all generators malfunctioning. But that’s what I think. What do I know.

Posted by azngeek at July 16th, 2006

I was actually doing some chemistry. Then by a twist of fate… I was sent this link

http://recoilforums.com/758652-post1.html

Hey there big boy, rowr… indeed… i’ll eat you for….. fuck.. my breakfast, lunch, dinner, and breakfasts,lunches and dinners for the next year …. damn…… this is all sneakerpimps fault! My beautiful sleeppppp NOoooooooo Azngeek

Posted by azngeek at July 15th, 2006

It’s his first time. Take it slow. Help him. Help him place it where it feels good. Help him….

Damn, psych is all grown up. NO longer a blog virgin, though I think he’s not been a blog virgin for a pretty fucking long time. Secretly blogging behind my back, that slut. Haha, props to him though, really appreciate the effort. So to thank him, I think I’ll be more stereotypical than ever non existential readers. I’ll write about the asian (maybe it could be me) who couldn’t say three-tree

There was a boy, named treenitree (pronounced as trinity) haha fagot! He must have gotten soooo much shit from his friend– shit off topic. Yes so treenitree, got a lot of shit because he was:
1. Asian
2. He couldn’t pronounce his L’s. Really? Hah! More like Rearry! Hello? Nah-uh. More like Haro! But worst of all. It was the number 3. How would you pronounce that? TREEE! Holy heap of hippy hoe hacking horse crap! HAHAHAH. TREEEEEEEEEEEE…. mmmm
Moral of the story… there is none! Can you non-existent readers see how much prejudice we Asians recieve daily? Hell I’m Asian. Fuck. We are all prejudiced. The world would be a better place without all these prejudices, but definitely not as funny! *rant rant rant*

To further this rant, I’ll help all you non-existent readers in the romance part of your life with a few pickup lines:

• Will you let me integrate your life, and will you let me let you differentiate mine?
• Every couple, has its moments.
• Will you be the square to my root?
• If the root of 64 is 8, will you go out with me?
• 1+1=2, but me+you= uncertainty, a whole life of uncertainty which I’ll be prepared to face if it was me+you
• Let me geek you up the right way
• Shall we backup,format, then format again, rowr?

Geeky…. hah, the azngeek. ( I came up with some of those, can’t remember which though) Don’t you love it non-existential readers when we get so intimate *puke*

Posted by psych at July 15th, 2006

The AznGeek has been riding me to post something. Not that I blame him, I recall actually asking him to do it (out of pure boredom i think). The blog name doesnt suit me but hey what can you do. After all since I kinda like computers and I like girls, I’m probably a geek anyway.(damn these stereotypes) Since my life is as normal as ones life could get, most of my posts will be either intelligent or meaningless rants. I agreed to blog because his current readers are non-existent which means making mistakes, stereotyping, being ignorant etc. is much less of a problem. It basically means that I can be myself without worrying about other people or their feelings. (unless non-existent feelings are still considered feelings in which case I’ll apologise in advance for HURTING YOU WITH MY WORDS) Words can’t really hurt you can they? Of course they can. Every intelligent moron on this earth knows that. Heck, even you probably know that.

Why do words hurt? I don’t know. A movie I recently had the displeasure(kinda) of watching (Harriet the Spy) made me wonder how some simple words(which were just the scribbles of a lil girl) made a world of a difference in her life. The Buffy sister/Eurotrip chick is in it. But shes tiny there. So dont watch it just to watch her. You could just watch it to see Rosie O’Donnell be a mentor-figure(shudder) to a little girl. Anyway, its an old show based on a book. Its just a movie that explores the problems a girl faces when friends read her notebook(which she dumbassedly dropped) in which she wrote mean things about them. They werent mean things per se but just negative observations. Its a kids show albeit a somewhat interesting one. You’ll have more fun with (the enjoyable >< but empty) Mean Girls any day. So back to words. Don’t misunderstand my words to be hard thought and precisely my POV on things. These are first and foremost Rants. Rants dont mean much and are just a way for me to use my time when I have any to use freely.

Then again non-existent people wont be bothered by what i say so just ignore the above.

Meh I’ll count that as my rant for the day/week. I was planning to rant about Melissa O’Neil but as I consider that length to be suitable for a post Ill just leave it at that. Who’s Melissa O’Neil you ask? The Best Thing To Come From Canada Since AVRIL “ILOVEYOU” LAVIGNE. I know avrils been under the radar but theres a hole in my soul that cant be filled by anybody else. Sigh. Anyway, shes the third? Canadian idol winner. Browsing through Youtube can do amazing things for you =) Anyway i stumbled upon/across her video. She Awesome. Half asian(chinese i think) which is Always a plus. Btw some of her songs are very … Kelly Clarkson-ish. So if you dont like Kelly, chances are you wont like her either. Google/Wiki her up. Just check out “Let it go” and “Speechless”. There, I got her two more fans. >>!!Great!!<<. Just check her out will ya? Oh while youre at it, check out stuff by Billy Talent. Punkrockish music but very catchy. Im fairly busy so getting posts done usually take a long time unless something awesome happens that i just have to share it with … people who arent really there. Freaky if you think about it. Like if if I grew up and killed people the book about me would have the sentence. “He would regularly post on an online weblog (popularly known as a ‘Blog’) he shared with a friend to total non-entities. He would convince himself that his rants which in reality were pleas for help were being heard by someone somewhere who cared. This was a futile, desperate ploy by his subconscious to appease the manic demon bearing down upon his sanity like a crippling disease. This ploy eventually failed leading to an utter feeling of uncertainty, confusion and eventual anger which erupted that fateful day in…. blah blah blah. Off to do something good for the world.. like turn off my air conditioner.

Gday nonreaders.

psych

Posted by azngeek at July 15th, 2006

FUCKING HELL RAGE DIE EXPLODE IMPLODE KILL TINY FURRY LITTLE ANIMALS FUCKKKKKKKKKK… WORD-FUCKING-PRESS DIDN’T SAVE MY LAST POST WHICH TOOK ME 5 FUCKING MINUTES TO TYPE OUT…GAHHHHHh URGH.. WILL TRY TO RETYPE IT… NOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOO mmmm echoeyyyyyyy

Sooooo as I was saying, at 1 am, had one fucking intimate hour with a girl named chemistry… heheheh touched her all over, carressed her pages— damn,….. she wasn’t a girl was she…. noooo… she lieddd!!! Gahhh. When she told me about benzene rings, and activating benzene rings with eletron donating electrophiles, when she told me about mechanisms and aarows pointing the right way, was it all but a lie? FUCK YOU CHEMISTRY! How could you. I TRUSTED YOU *WHIMPER* I thought you loved me… Intimate moments like that get me. Does it get you? HAHAHAH

So yes, at 2 am, started talking to some friends, over the inter-web, and I thought of something no one could ever conceivably think of. Their own comic book character!!! WOAH AZNGEEK I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES *screams a non-existential fan girl who loves the Azngeek* Soooooo to have a comic book character I’d need a plot, a trademark phrase, etc. right? So I brainstormed for a micro second, and thought of one. Supercalifragilisticexbeeolliedocious MAN… shit, didn’t mean to be all sexist and all, arghhh stop prodding me with that dirty disgusting stick…. FINE. Supercalifragilisticexbeeolliedocious Thing.. it’s not sexist day today… I know.. Sunday is a day of rest…. so yes…. Supercalifragilisticexbeeolliedocious Thing…

How was he, she… IT? YES IT. HOW WAS IT BORN TO THE WORLD… As a child, IT watched many many, actually countless hours X 10 of Marry Poppin(I have subliminal messages for adults to kill themselves Poppins, one and the same) with his parents… but one day… at the tender age of 45… his parents took their own lives… for those countless hours of Marry Damning Poppins had drove them to the edge of a cliff (marry poppins actually murdered them?) I mean, brink of insanity… So they took the easy way out and killed themselves… (I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the bankruptcy, or their dog being run over, TWICE, OR their house burning down. It was ALL mary poppin’s fault… they killed them the bitch!) Leaving poor poor urm… Jack!( HAH! Got you, it can be a girl OR a BOY. WHAHHA i’m not sexist. Jack is urm UNISEX…. shutupnow) So from then on Jack vowed to fight all that was unjust and became Supercalifragilisticexbeeolliedocious Thing!!!111Thing!!!111… It was an upright-grandmother-helping-cat-stuck-in-a-tree-saving kinda superhero, who wore tights that were so tight, he was blue from the lack of oxygen reaching his head. The best superhero conceivably possible. SO that’s the plot. The birth of Supercalifragilisticexbeeolliedocious Thing. *pow* *bam* *whoosh* *kapow* *crack* *klang*! To the bat cav- I mean fag cav-.. damn.. I mean Supercalifragilisticexbeeolliedocious closet!

So yes, now he needs a trademark phrase… Mmmm wolverine has “Are you feeling lucky bub?” The thing, ” It’s clobbering time” and Gokou “kamehameha your ass” (not so sure about the ass part…) sooo Supercalifragilisticexbeeolliedocious must have one as well. So after 0.0000001 seconds of thought… I figured, seeing how I’m so damn creative… I’d come up with the best trademark catch phrase conceivable to man which would have little boys who play barbie dolls reconsider their idiocy… SO HERE WE GOOOO READY? ONE-TWO-… TREE! “Supercalifragilisticexbeeolliedocious, villains!” FUCK YEA!!! OMG! *more screams of fan girls asking to have the azngeek’s babies*… man the creative juices are flowing tonihgt/this morning aren’t they? HAHAHA…..

Now moving towards the arch-nemesis…T-O B-E C-O-N-T-I-N-U-E-D

I BET YOU WEREN’T EXPECTING THAT AHHAHA MORONS! Well like any good comic book character, they need to head towards the silver screen, have a sequel and all that jazz. So I figured why not start from young. From the drawing board… ahhah there you go. Supercalifragilisticexbeeolliedocious already has a To Be FREAGIN CONTINUED! WOOOT!

Azngeek

Posted by azngeek at July 12th, 2006

Didn’t get much sleep, 4 and a half hours if that, finished an assingment, and then the next morning I had to go to work, updating the inventory for Company X with my cousin. All is well, or is it? Heh 8 hours of fairly uneventful work I would say. *click click* *edit edit* *click click* *enter* *clickety click* Woah. Towards the end of the day though, my cousins starts playing ‘footsies’ with me, rowr! Oh My, FUCK! Woah don’t go there man. AHHAHA, and in retaliation I reply rudely to the infidel, “Hey there big boy” WTF? What The FUCK indeedy… and seconds later a woman comes in to my cousin’s office, and you should have seen the look on our faces as she came close. Very close. So close that we realized that the phone in my cousin’s office was off the hook, and the woman picks up the phone and goes “Hey XYZ I’ll call you back later.” SHIT, XYZ would have only heard:

A: Footsies aye?
B: Hey there big boy!

Shit, and then the woman goes “I’ll call you back later.” Damn I’ll call you back later indeed… shit, call you back never!… ahahha that’s right kids, be vewy vewy quiet, because you never know whos listening.

Posted by azngeek at July 10th, 2006

Move over Stacey, bring on the Azn Moms, they’ve got it going on they are all I want, I’ve– urm… I urm… mmm yea. Right. ANYWAYS, Azn moms, a tribute to them in this very post. Azn moms. Has a nice ring to it doesn’t it? So yes, a tribute to Azn moms out there, because mom is Azn morons! So what about asian moms huh? They are alwayyyyys there for us in their veryyyyyy vewyyyy velllyyyyy azn ways. Here’s a list why we Azns love our Azn moms WARNING STEREOTYPING TO THE EXTREME!!!111oneoneoneeleven Most scenarios wouldn’t even be true in most azn households, it might just be a very toned down version of course They think of the most ruthless punishments. None of the white people pussy shit, like time outs and going to your room. They take out the cane baby, ooo yea, time out my ass. More like knock out. “No daddy, not the belt Noooooooo….” Another way they like leading to punishments is by asking “How do you want me to punish you? What do you think you deserve?” And when you tell them they pretty much just shut you down with “Stop being such a pussy” or something along those lines, with the same meaning, they play with your heads. They push us to be our best, sometimes going overboard but their intentions, are noble (debatable at times but run with me people) It’s like when an Asian gets a B on a standardized test.. (more on asians and standardized tests in the future) they use guilt tactics to ensure they max the asian kid out. “I sacrificed so much for you ungreatful SOB and all you give me is 100%? GIVE ME FUCKING 1100000% bitch or face the consequences!” ” We come to this foreign land, and the best you can give me is an A? I want an A+ fucker!” Guilt tactics and fear tactics. Well ahha it’s how most Azn mothers say TREEEEE!!! HAHHAHAHAHHAHHA TH-REE = TREE… holy cow… ahahhahaha priceless… and all the other azn antics like being overly loud…… damn NOTE : this was all for good fun ahha sorry if it offended any of you non-existent readers, but if it did, shut up pansie, go cry yourself to sleep now. The Azngeek. A side note, this really is a tribute to Azn mothers, and non Azn mothers even for just being, well mothers *awwwwwww love me people*